I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
