When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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