Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
