you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
birth control should be required to get into college
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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