I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
