I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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