The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
