there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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