The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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