Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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