she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
