I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
