lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
