I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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