It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
