My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize