My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
