She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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