At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize