I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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