do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
