I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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