She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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