Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
