if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
