Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
