You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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