I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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