she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
