That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
