In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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