I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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