hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize