its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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