i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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