i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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