Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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