i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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