I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
