Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
