i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize