My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
