my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize