escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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