hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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