Umm I'm too high to move.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
