why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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