You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
