Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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