Yo dont text me then not text me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
