I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was confusing and full of hummus
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
