I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
