if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
