and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
