but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
