now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize