my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
