do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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