I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
