Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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