It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
