Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
