I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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