I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
