Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
please come you make the beer taste better
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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