Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
