ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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