yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize