I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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