Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
