Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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