I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
