Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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