you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize