Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
