how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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