Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
