i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
