she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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