dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize