I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize