A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
