to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
