Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
should my penis look like a turkey
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
