textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
