so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
