the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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