Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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