I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
