remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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