You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
