The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
