dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
