I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
