The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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