does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
