Small penises have feelings too.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
